Cause and Effect
by TNHarleyRider
Summary: Rarely to we get a chance to see the impact of our decisions, let alone have the chance to correct the mistakes we've made.  This story gets a little dark, but hang in there.  The sun comes out in the end.


Detective Kate Beckett noticed that something was going on. Detectives Ryan and Esposito were talking in hushed tones. From the way they looked at her, then looked away when she caught them, she felt that they were talking about her. Kate's speculation about Ryan and Esposito's behavior was interrupted by their Captain's voice from her office door.

"Kate, will you come see me please," the new Captain asked. Their new Captain had never addressed her as Kate before. Normally she referred to the men and women working for her by their title, Detective. She would also refer to them by their title and last name. Beckett was curious what was up.

"Yes, ma'am," Beckett replied. "Coming."

"Close the door behind you," her Captain said. "Please, sit down."

Beckett sat in one of the chairs in front of the Captain's desk. Clearly the other woman was concerned about something.

"I just got a call about Mr. Castle," the Captain began. She was carefully watching Beckett's face. "There's been an accident."

Beckett's heart skipped a beat. She and Castle had fought shortly before Captain Montgomery was killed. While she had later found out that he was acting on her father's urging, she had told him that it was over between them. Castle had made visits to her after she had been shot at Captain Montgomery's funeral. He wished her a speedy and complete recovery. She rejected his offer to help her. Things between them were strained. Castle was respecting her desire for their relationship to be over. Beckett was too accustomed to keeping her feelings bottled up inside to talk about what had happened. While she still cared deeply for him, they had not spoken in over a month. The comfortable joking and kidding was gone. When she looked in his eyes she saw only pain.

"How is he," Beckett asked. "I need to go see him."

The Captain looked at her, then looked away. Tears started to form in Beckett's eyes.

"Captain, how is he?"

"I'm sorry, Kate," the Captain finally said. "He didn't make it. Dr. Parish has his body."

"No," Beckett said with tears streaming down her face. She jumped out of the chair and ran from the room and straight to the elevator.

"Kate," the Captain called as Beckett rushed out of the office.

Martha Rogers and Alexis Castle were coming out of the door to the morgue as Kate arrived. Their eyes were red and puffy from tears.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," Beckett told them. She winced inside. The phrase was what she always told the families of the victims. It was too practiced and too automatic. Castle deserved something more heartfelt and genuine. Reflecting on the last three years though, Beckett realized that she had never shown him her true feelings. She had always held him back at arm's length, terrified to let him inside.

Beckett was stunned when Castle's mother slapped her full across the mouth.

"Don't tell me how sorry you are, Detective Beckett!" Rogers told her. The older woman's voice was heavy with the contempt that she felt for Beckett. "Do you know what happened? Do you? When he found out that you were getting married to Josh he tried to drink away your memory. He couldn't drink enough to forget how much he loved you. He went out driving, trying to get away. They told us that his Ferrari was going well over a hundred miles per hour when he crossed the center line and ran head first into that truck."

Beckett's heart fell further than it had already. She was shocked. Castle had told her how happy he was for her. She should have known that he was just trying to make it easier for her.

"You killed him, Detective Beckett," Alexis told her with tears in her eyes. "You killed him as sure as if you had taken out your gun and shot him through the heart! I hate you! I hate you! I wish we had never heard of you!"

"You killed him," Martha Rogers told Beckett.

"You killed him, Girl," Lanie said as she came out of the morgue. "You killed Writer Boy! I hope you're happy."

Then Ryan and Esposito were there.

"Why did you kill him, Beckett?" they asked in unison. "He was your partner, more than that. He loved you. We all saw it, everyone but you. You just strung him along."

"He was the best thing that ever happened to you, Kate," Roy Montgomery said from behind her. "He never had a badge, but I was as proud of him as any cop on the force. Why did you do it to him, Kate? He would have loved you for the rest of your life. He would have handed you the world on a silver platter if you had asked for it. Why did you break his heart and kill him?"

Dumbfounded, Beckett looked at Montgomery. Roy Montgomery was dead. Lockwood killed him in that hanger on that terrible night. Before she could figure it out, a television news crew came running up.

"We are live at the morgue with Detective Kate Beckett, the inspiration for the late Richard Castle's Nikki Heat novels. Tell us Detective Beckett, are the stories that Richard Castle is dead because of a broken heart true? Did you break his heart? Did you kill him?"

"No!" Beckett shouted. "No! I love him! He can't be dead! No!"

Everyone was yelling at Beckett, telling her that she had killed him. Their heads became larger than normal as they all accused her of killing Castle. They were shouting at her in perfect unison. Beckett shrank back against the wall, the tears streaming down her face. She slid down the wall, hugged her knees to her chest and dropped her head. She was sobbing uncontrollably.

"I love him," she blubbered. "I love him."

Kate Beckett woke up, sitting upright in bed. Her body was covered in sweat, the sheets soaked. She could feel her heart pounding. She was momentarily confused and wondered how she got here from the morgue. Where were all the people that had been yelling at her over Castle's death.

"Are you alright?" Josh asked from his side of the bed.

She looked at him in the darkness. It had all been a dream, she realized. It had all been a terrible nightmare. Castle wasn't dead, he couldn't be. She loved him too much. After the fight in her apartment she had told him that they were over. Then he dragged her out of the hanger on that terrible night when Montgomery died. She had shut him out and turned away from him. His tearful admission of his love for her went unacknowledged. She guessed that he thought the trauma of her gunshot wound caused her to not remember.

How stupid she had been. Beckett knew that she had made mistakes before, but the way she treated Castle was her biggest mistake of all.

"Kate, it was just a bad dream," Josh said. "You kept saying that you loved him. Who were you dreaming about?"

Beckett stared at him. Her mind was racing, her breath slowly getting back to normal.

"Kate, say something. Are you okay? Who were you talking about? Was it your Dad?"

Beckett knew in a moment of perfect clarity what she had to do. First she pulled the sheet over her chest, then she looked at the clock. It was almost 3:30 AM. It didn't matter. She had to tell him before it was too late. She had to tell him before something really happened. She just hoped that he was there.

"I'm sorry, Josh," Beckett said. "I can't marry you. You deserve much better. I don't love you like you deserve."

Beckett took the engagement ring off her finger, put it in the palm of Josh's hand and closed his fingers around it.

"I'm sorry," she told him again. "I know I wasn't fair to you. I wasn't fair to anyone."

Josh was looking at her speechless.

"You're dumping me because of a dream?" Josh asked.

"You're a good man," Beckett told him. "When you get married you deserve for it to be to someone who can give you all her heart."

Beckett got out of bed and went into the bathroom. She closed the door behind her and looked at herself in the mirror. She had to see him, but not looking like this. Beckett took a quick shower and washed the sweat out of her hair. She didn't want to take the time to dry it and just ran a brush through it instead. Leaving the bathroom, she dressed quickly in jeans and a t-shirt.

"Where are you going?" Josh asked. He was up and dressed, pulling his things out of her closet and putting them into a bag on the bed. "Are you going to see _him?"_

"Yes, Josh," Beckett said with a sigh as she put her phone, her badge and her Glock 26 backup gun into her purse. "I'm going to see Castle. I have to fix this. Please, lockup on your way out."

"Fix what," Josh asked with a confused look on his face.

Beckett left without answering or looking back. Minutes later she was knocking on Castle's door. She winced, biting her lower lip. It was the middle of the night. Castle's whole family would be woken up. What if he was with another woman!

She was having second thoughts which was why she needed to do this now.

Beckett heard noises from the other side of the door. A glow came from under the door as a light was turned on. Then the door opened and Castle was standing there wearing a pair of gym shorts and a faded t-shirt. His hair was messed up and his eyes looked somewhat blurry.

"Beckett!" he said. "This is a surprise."

Beckett rushed in, running to him before she could change her mind. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. She clung to him as if her whole life depended on it. At first he was stiff, surprised, and not sure what to make out of her unexpected appearance. Then she felt the tension leave his body. As he relaxed his arms went around her. She felt his breath on her head as he nuzzled her hair.

"I love you, Rick," Kate said into his chest. "I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you for how I've acted."

"Shh," Castle said. "It's okay, Kate."

She shook her head.

"It isn't okay, Rick," Kate said. "You're the one person who has stood by me. You've cared about me, loved me and tried to protect me. You almost took a bullet for me. You put up with my crap and never complain. I've been too blind to see that everything I could ever want in a man is right here."

Castle pushed her far enough back from him so that he could look in her eyes.

"It's okay, Kate," Castle said. "I love you, you love me and you're here now."

"I'm through hiding, Rick. I'm through hiding in nowhere relationships with men I don't love. I threw Josh out. I gave his ring back to him and told him that I couldn't marry him. I'm happy when I'm with you."

Kate saw the love, the hope and the pure relief in Castle's eyes. He was smiling, looking like a man who had just gotten a reprieve from a death sentence.

"If you'll have me," Kate said with a pause. "If you'll have me, I would really like to give us a try."

Their heads came closer together, their eyes closing, their heads tilting just a little as their lips found each other. It started as a gentle kiss. They separated the smallest of distances, then found each other's lips again. Their tongues met, danced around each other as the passion flowed between them. For the first time in longer than they wanted to admit, Castle and Beckett felt like everything would work out just perfect.


End file.
